Being lonely sucks.

Our wedding was Sunday afternoon. It was perfect. Just. Perfect. I don’t have words, so I won’t even try.

The sad part was that once it was all over, once we were set to go to the mystery B&B arranged for us as a wedding present by our friends, we were stuck in a deep, scary rut. One of fear and isolation. Because the sheer joy of being married was being weighed down by the absolute sorrow of going back to the city in which we live.

We know nobody here. We have no friends, no activities, and just daily life for a blind person in my city consumes everything. Getting to and from the grocery store that’s a mile away from our house takes 3 hours in the winter. Getting to and from the music shop three miles from our house takes 5 hours—and that’s in the summer! You can’t walk anywhere, taxis are $8 a mile, paratransit has to be scheduled a week in advance (and that’s if they have times available,) and you can’t get anywhere in less than an hour and a half by bus, then you still have to find the place you’re trying to find.

It’s horrible.

Revelation #4,667: Of course I’m anxious and depressed—my life is stressful and boring!

Let me be clear. My life is amazing. It’s quite possibly the best life I have ever or will ever have. But damn, it’s boring. A few times a year I go on these wild adventures all over God knows where. I’ve been on television, I’ve been in documentaries, I’ve worked with the largest film crews in the world, I’ve climbed mountains and trees and boulders and I’ve held a kid’s hand as he slid backward down a cliff but we slid together because DAMN IT, NOBODY DIES ALONE! And the good news was that nobody died, but the even better news is that we fell together. Not alone. Together.

Unlike so much of the rest of my life.

See, outside of those adventures taken a few times a year, my life is very much cleaning the house, going to grad school, and until Sunday, planning a wedding. We don’t own a television. We don’t listen to the radio. We don’t have Netflix. We don’t have friends in the area. We don’t go places or do things. And even just meeting our bare-bones obligations take up all of our time. It’s stressful, lonely, and boring.

Of course I’m anxious and depressed!

None of this is to say that life with Boy Romeo is unfulfilling. It’s very fulfilling. But something definitely needs to change.

How do I do this thing? How do I insert more fun and friendship into our world?

I think I’m going to write a list of things that make me anxious/depressed and start eliminating them from our space, then starting a wishlist of things that make me happy.

I’m DONE with this whole anxiety/depression thing. I’m all about feeling your emotions. I’m also all about changing things that bum you out. There’s no need to force yourself to experience unnecessary hardship.

This is me doing my own impossible. Let’s do this.